This graphic memoir of the author growing up as a Korean adoptee in a white rural town is painful and agonizing. Sarah's passions for drawing, cosplay, and anime and her racial and ethnic background set her apart as too different for the white kids at her schools. Despite being tormented by racist names and bullying, and believing that she isn't good enough, Sarah soldiers on, making some friends and diving into her passions. However, the anger seethes within for years, impacting her mental health and well-being. Her white parents love her and are supportive, especially her father who gamely accompanies Sarah to her first anime con, but their cultural competence is limited. Eventually Sarah comes to see that only she can destroy the inner monster that she created. It's a difficult read but essential as window and mirror reading. Hoping all those white classmates read this book and realize how awful they were. ( )

Gr 8 Up—Myer’s immersive memoir recounts the feeling of not belonging as a South Korean child who was adopted
at birth by a white family in rural Maryland, and the monstrous anger and anxiety that formed as a result of bullying.
Doubling as a love letter to anime, the book features dynamic artwork throughout in this validating read about
identity.

Thank you to Netgalley, the publisher of Macmillan, and the author Sarah Myer. Myer's YA graphic memoir reminded me of how my childhood and how my understanding of being Asian American relied on proximity to other Asian cultures and signifiers such as anime. Myer's memoir reminded me how Asian Americans weren't that visible in the mainstream or weren't known to be creating media as it is today. Myer's memoir shows how transracial adoption can be embodied within oneself and how it can differentiate between siblings as well. While Myer's style could be improving, her storytelling skills really come throughout the work. ( )

Sarah and her older sister Lizzy were both born in South Korea, adopted by their white parents and raised in rural Maryland. Despite being some of the only Asian-Americans in their majority-white area, Lizzy seems to get along fine, but Sarah faces racist harassment that escalates from name-calling in grade school ("Flat Face") to worse in high school - sometimes physical violence. School administrators do nothing, reinforcing a white supremacist culture that is intolerant of difference. But Sarah, who has always loved drawing, cartoons, and anime, finds community in theater and in anime conventions (which her dad brings her to). There, she meets people who share her interests, and is able to explore and express her gender identity through cosplay. Ultimately, Sarah takes responsibility for the things they can control, faces their insecurities, and heads into the future with the love and support of their adoptive parents.

See also: All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung (adult memoir)

Quotes

I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't aware of being adopted... (11)

I was too young to understand my depressive and fearful moods. My mind clung to intrusive, nightmarish thoughts...with the same intensity that kept me fixated on cartoons and drawing. (53)

I didn't know how to express my frustration over being stereotyped in a healthy or acceptable way. (59)

My violent behavior was troubling. And I struggled when I couldn't just use make-believe to justify or explain my emotions. I always felt like I was fighting someone about something. (61)

It's extremely dehumanizing to hear other people TELL YOU what they believe YOU ARE, repeatedly. (135)

The ILLUSORY TRUTH EFFECT: The tendency to believe FALSE information to be CORRECT after repeated exposure. (179)

...as I grew older, I came to believe that I must've been REJECTED because I wasn't good enough. That became my internal truth. (229)

In the end, it doesn't matter where I came from. Because I know who I am. (252) ( )

(Full disclosure: I received a free e-book for review through Netgalley. Trigger warning for depictions of racism, homophobia, ableism, and bullying.)

At the time of this writing, we're only 49 days into the year, and I've been lucky enough to discover more favorite reads in this month and a half than in all of 2022. The streak continues with MONSTROUS: A TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION STORY, which is #9!

Comic book artist Sarah Myer (they/them) was born in South Korea and adopted by a white couple living in rural Maryland. Growing up in a conservative small town was hard enough as a non-white kid in a blended adoptive family - Sarah and their older sister Lizzie were two of just a handful of Asian kids in their school - but Sarah was different in other ways as well, even if it took them a while to fully understand and articulate the differences. In the interim, Sarah used the language they were most well-versed in to understand their un-belonging: "Monsters, aliens, mermaids, and mutants seemed like a good fit."

From a young age, Sarah was plagued by insecurity, low self-esteem, anxiety, fits of rage and violence, and vivid nightmares (particularly concerning the inner workings of the human body - a problem that was only exacerbated by their mother's breast cancer diagnosis). They excelled at art, especially drawing, and a childhood viewing of THE LITTLE MERMAID led to an obsession with mermaids - and a realization that their passion could one day sustain a career.

As Sarah got older, their "otherness" only grew, as did the bullying: racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, and otherwise. Their interest in cartoons evolved into an obsession with SAILOR MOON and anime - years, if not decades, before anime became mainstream. As their hormone-addled classmates became fixated on the opposite sex (heteronormativity being the rule; a scene wherein the "gifted and talented" class discusses Mathew Shepard's murder is downright horrifying), Sarah remained mostly oblivious ... until developing a crush on Iris, a fellow theater geek. They often cosplayed as male characters as a pretext to dress how they wanted; as a way of expressing their queerness; or as a sort of armor against the outside world: "If I was in a costume, though, I felt safe. I was someone else." Sarah's small stature collided with stereotypes about "meek Asian women" and her supposedly "childish" interest in cartoons to further alienate them from their peers.

Perhaps this is why they were rarely punished (or received help) for their violent outbursts. Sarah depicts four instances where they lashed out physically against racist bullies. While it's hard not to cheer Sarah on (particularly when defending against physical harm; dad says what we're all thinking), their uncontrolled (or untreated) anger is clearly a problem. Sarah likens their anger to a monster: one that was self-created - and, thus, must also be self-conquered. Although, to be honest, this comparison seems unfair: the racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic bullies, who were tolerated/encouraged by the school administration, are at least equally at fault.

Sarah found bright spots where they could: art was a refuge, especially in the form of the after school GT Art Club, and they also discovered an affinity for acting when they land the part of Gavroche in LES MISERABLES. And, of course, as an adult Sarah is doing exactly what they dreamed of: writing, drawing, and teaching art.

While MONSTROUS is at its core a story about the author's experience as transracial adoptee, it's also highly relatable to anyone who's ever felt different, alien, or like an outsider. Monstrous. I use the word "compelling" a lot - maybe too much - but hey, if it fits (*shrug*). MONSTROUS isn't just a coming-of-age story, but perhaps one of the most evocative ones I've read. A graphic novel is the perfect medium for Sarah's storytelling, allowing them to give complex feelings physical form. And the artwork is simply marvelous: equal parts beautiful and grotesque, often simultaneously. ( )